Love/Hate

February 24, 2009

I love traveling.

I hate turbulence.

5 years ago I moved to NY from Illinois. Part escapism, part fulfilling my need to wander, it was a dream of mine to live here. Truth be told, it was always one of those dreams I never thought would come true. Even my best friend was shocked when I did it. Even I was shocked when I actually did it.

Dream fulfillment is a risky business. Dreams come with an auto-idealism already built in. The reality rarely measures up, though TV often tries to fool you into thinking that it does. I am certainly grateful I had the experience of living in New York, but I am more than ready to leave it behind. It is not the place I want to be long-term. I don’t know where I want to be long-term, or even if I believe in long-term, but I know I am coming to the end of my NYC experience. Aside from the practicalities of a lease and a job, I am kept at status quo because I don’t know the answer to “where next?”. I have no dreams to decide for me this time, I have no place yet I feel could be my next stop.

So, I wander. I travel across the country and globe escaping here and seeking the next dream to fulfill.

I hope I find it soon. All this flying is expensive.

Peace

February 10, 2009

The wait is over.

My friend has come to her peace.

The Wait

February 3, 2009

I have spent the better part of a week now waiting for peace to come to a friend/former teacher losing her battle with MS. The thoughts that have come to mind this week have been varied, from guilt I didn’t keep in touch aside from emails and letters and help out more, to having flashbacks of the better times. When I moved into my first post-college apartment, her house was on my way home and I would often stop and visit with her and her dog. With no blood relations in her life that acted like family and no partner, her colleagues, former students and friends were her family.

By the time her MS symptoms were starting to worsen, I had moved across the country and could be little help aside from correspondence and prayers. I would send her photos of my travels and we would trade stories about our dogs. Oh the countless times I threw the ball for her dog on those nights I stopped by her house. One of the many things I will remember most is the love she had for her dogs.

I can’t imagine what it is like to be at the end of your path, especially with no children or partner to be by your side. Several former co-workers have taken turns sitting by her bedside, making sure that someone is with her until the end. I selfishly wonder if my own solitude of now will also be my solitude in death. The thought keeps me up at night.

I hope that peace comes soon for you Shelley. Your kindness and strength have shown through to the end, but that is just a fraction of the legacy you will leave behind.

I wish I had stopped by on my way home more often.

Though the news has been telling me for months the economy sucks, my own life has been fairly uneffected. With zero debt, a job that covers the bills and a family that instilled smart financial planning into me, I realize how lucky I am to be in the position I am and fully acknowledge not everyone has the same story as me.

As the economic crisis deepens, I have noticed changes in the world. The paper at work is of a lower quality, there is rarely a line at Starbucks in the morning, airports are as empty as I’ve ever seen them.  Change that needs to be changed.

What changes have YOU noticed?